i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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