she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
