Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
