I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
