Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize