As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
