Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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