So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
