Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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