I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
