He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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