Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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