Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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