Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
