The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
please come you make the beer taste better
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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