Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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