Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
