My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize