So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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