I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
nutella sex= disaster
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
