WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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