there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
