Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
