I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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