You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pants are for mortals
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
