I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My breasts were aching with rage.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize