There was a lot of him and a little penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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