I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
