U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
