I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
