Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Are we still banned from the library?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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