Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
