I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
