God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
