I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
farters have to be the big spoon...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
