apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
