We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
