When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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