Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
