First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
