it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
