Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
