She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
accomplished twins. life is a go
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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