I just made out with a guy for $7.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
