Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize