seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
