this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
