it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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