just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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