I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
