exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
