I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've blown a few things in my day
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
