i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
