If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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