I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
