can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
