I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
