you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
