Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
