when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
