Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
