I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
