wat bout pragnant strippers??
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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