I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry about my life...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
