how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't deserve a penis
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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