Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
