I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
