i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
