its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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