Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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