I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
